Kramer's Job

(Jerry, George and Kramer are having breakfast at the Coffee shop. George is dressed up for a job interview)

Jerry: Really, you got a job interview now, in this tough economy? I guess the opposite thing is still working for you, doom time is your time.

George: What can I say, when the going gets upside down, the opposites get going

Jerry: You must be feeling really confident about this interview, there's nothing Biff about you today.

George: Of course, and I don't want to take any chances with confidence, it's a bubble, so I'm wearing my favorite underwear today

Jerry: That gives you real confidence?

George:It doesn't?

Jerry: I don't know...he feels great not wearing anything down there!  (pointing thumb at Kramer sitting next to him). You two represent opposite ends of the spectrum and I'll tell you, I'm getting really tired running from one end of the spectrum to the other at a moment's notice and back. It's a big spectrum you know.

George: Huge spectrum

Kramer: Jerry, come on, if it'll make you feel any better, I'll never go to a job interview, there...that better?

Jerry: That's comforting

George: Why would you, you already got a job, you're the Vice President of the Mooch Division at Jerry's office

Jerry: That's not comforting

Kramer ( little confused yet a little proud): Vice President, huh?

George's Women

(George and Jerry are in the Coffee shop)

George: I remember couple of girls from school, when we were in 8th Grade, used to show some interest in me.

Jerry: Really?

George: Well, either that or they had squint eyes but I've decided to pursue them anyway

Jerry: Why not, except that they might remember you with Kenny G's hair and had no idea how you'd end up

George: Great, so I looked up for one Shirley Stone in Google search, nothing came up

Jerry: Oh, that's a shame. Must have been dead for quite sometime

George: You think?

Jerry: Either that or she must have joined the Amish

George: So what do you think?

Jerry: What?

George: You know, me and Amish women, you think it'll work out?

Jerry: Tough, you see, we are married to modern amenities and comforts much more intimately than we could ever hope to do so with any woman. A mere spoon could be all it takes to make our pathetic lives look lot better

George: Oh come on they must have some kind of wooden spoons or something

Jerry: How about the Daily News?

George: What do they do down at the Amish to get girls. With no jobs, no cars, no apartments, what do they show off?

Jerry: I guess the REAL person

George: What is that?

Jerry: I have no idea

George's Success

(George and Jerry are in the Coffee shop)

George: How about this, I sign up with some charity organization, I hear they have pretty girls there these days as volunteers or something, charity's become like a chic thing for them now.

Jerry: Nah, we tried charity once, remember?

George: Oh those old guys, they were idiots!

Jerry: Pretty girl or a whining old bag; efforts to please them are quite similar

(George and Jerry's facial expressions indicate a complete stalemate in the field of finding girls)

Jerry: I think it's time you considered Success. By now Success must be on its hands and knees begging that you give it a try. You've got to relent George.

George: Dammit! Is success really worth the effort?

Jerry: For the kind of effort you'd need to put in just to be able to bump in to it, I'm not sure.

George: Oh come on, there must be successful people who don't really deserve it. What about that, why can't I try that?

Jerry: You mean like the Enron Execs?

George: No, I am referring to the thousands who never get caught ever.They probably don't even know.

Jerry: Oh, that's gotta be tough

George: Alright, forget charity, forget success. what else...